is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
