I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
