just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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