No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
