apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
