So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
