Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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