My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
