Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
