That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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