it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
