So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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