dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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