I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
