when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
