I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
