btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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