Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
