found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
