remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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