there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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