do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
where does the pee come out of this thing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
