Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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