meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
