you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
