Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my poor anus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
