Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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