I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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