Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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