Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
