Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
