I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
