you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
