Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
