Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
