how can u be prego again
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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