I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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