We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
