dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is wine microwaveable?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
