It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
