I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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