omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
