please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
