I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
