You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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