conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
FUCK WHALES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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