yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
