I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
