he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
