it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
