i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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