I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
